What Doesn't Kill You Makes You...STRONGER!

I have always liked Kelly Clarkson and her songs, maybe because one can relate to her songs and may have experienced the hurt and being broken at some point in one's life.  


One of my all time favorite is Behind These Hazel Eyes, a song about being broken-hearted and trying not to show the hurt inside.  About being torn into pieces and not showing how you cry on the inside.  Relate much?? 





Now Kelly has a new song (at least new to me) and I also like it.  This song is about being hurt, recovering and healing and coming back Stronger.  What doesn't kill you makes you STRONGER! ;)  <3 it!!! 


And here are my fave lines... 


"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone"

Thirty-something and single

I saw a friend of mine post this article in FB and somehow related to it.  Yes, I'm thirty-something, though I keep on celebrating my 26th birthday (LOL), and very much SINGLE.  It's good to know that I'm not the only one single (and not dating *sigh*) at this day and age.  Somehow there's a comfort in that.  At least I know I'm not a fluke in our gender ;)

Ok, back to the article... here it is:

The Single Thirtysomething Female Phenomenon

Reasons why there are more single women in their 30s than ever before.

During our grandmothers’ generation, it was unheard of that a single woman could be happy in her thirties. At the same time, she was already deemed an “old maid.” Women were usually married by the age of sixteen or eighteen. Marrying in your twenties was considered pushing it, even. Today, however, marrying in your thirties isn’t just normal, it’s expected. If you marry in your early twenties, people assume you are either pregnant or immature and have no drive to pursue a career. How times have changed.

Independent women
“There’s a certain group of women that is very independent and mature. These women will not settle for anything less than their ideal,” says Herald Cruz, certified life coach and head of the parenting cluster of the Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM) of the Ateneo de Manila University. “It boils down to their value system which is to focus on their career. Today’s women are more empowered and aware of women’s rights. They think, ‘What men can do, we can also do.’”

A 37-year-old single woman shares, “I prayed for joy in my life and I learned enough to use my gifts to bless children and families. I designed a career that fulfills my life purpose and demonstrates values I hold dear. My career is my contribution to my community. Marriage didn't come up, but I don't feel any less blessed.”

“I figured out late in life what I wanted to do, and I was in a relationship at the time,” shares a 33-year-old single woman. “However, having had most of my decisions made for me by my parents when I was younger, when I finally realized what I wanted to do, I wasn't going to let anything get in my way. So I was even willing to sacrifice my relationship because I needed to accomplish my dreams or I knew I'd regret it for the rest of my life.”

Intimidated men
Melissa Pizaña-Cruz, Cruz’s wife of 18 years, certified life coach and co-head of the parenting cluster of the Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM) of the Ateneo de Manila University, says that some men may be intimidated by successful and powerful women. “Men want to feel that they have a significant contribution to the relationship and they don’t want to look like they’re ‘under,’” she explains.

“You are also becoming stronger and less in need of a man,” adds Cruz about empowered single women. “You can unconsciously repel or drive them away. Men get insecure, they want to be needed, they want to protect. If women give off this façade saying, ‘I don’t need you,’ it would take a real man to push through it.”
Where are the men?
According to Pizaña-Cruz, the later a woman starts looking for a husband or a boyfriend, the harder it is to find one because you’ll have less choices. “The successful men are usually in a serious relationship already,” she says. “It’s like a pyramid and the choices at the top narrow.” At the same time, she adds, “In your thirties, you’re already set in your ways. You’re more picky and you don’t really settle.”

“Maybe it's for lack of trying?” surmises the 33-year-old woman about why she’s still single. “Or the fact that it's hard to find a good man these days.”

“I’m not married because I didn’t have anyone I wanted to share my life with,” says the 37-year-old woman. “There is no sad love story, no boy who didn’t return my feelings or betrayed me. That’s why I don’t envy my friends who married happily ever after.”

In the end, it’s a decision you make, and the good thing is we women have more choices now than we’ve ever had. And I’m pretty sure our grandmothers not only agree but are extremely proud of how far we’ve come. 

I particularly liked the last part... "in the end, it's a decision you make, and the good thing is we have more choices now than we've ever had"... 

it's over...

I'm so proud of myself! I stood firm and said NO.  I've been saying NO for a while but I admit, I have faltered several times. I'm sorry, but this is it.  I want something more... something you can never ever give me.  I just have to let go of whatever it is that we have... I don't want to just settle with what scraps you can give me... I don't want to be in the "mean time" stage... I want to be THE ONE.  You can never make me that, never.

Goodbye, something (someone) I used to love...




-- to my fave pair of shoes -- 

this blog should be called "musings of a confused girl" instead...

    Why am I here?  What is my purpose in this lifetime? Why do I sometimes feel so empty  inside?  As if there's something missing... something even I cannot identify what it is... All I know is it's not in my life right now.  Do I sound so pathetic? Yeah, I probably do.  Is this what they call a midlife crisis?? Ugh!! I hope not, I don't think I'm that old to even have one.  LOL! I just feel like I'm in this crossroad and I don't know where to go.  Come to think of it, maybe this is not even a crossroad... because if it's a crossroad, I would have choices or options to choose from and I'll know where each road is headed.  Nope that's not it.  It's as if I've been walking on this particular road and I don't know where it is headed.  I don't even know where I am going and where I want to go.  Maybe at some point I know where I want to go, but I'm not sure if this is the right road going there... is this a short cut, a long detour, or totally the wrong way?


     I know, these are quite tough questions even I don't have answers to.  I don't even know why I'm asking myself these questions, must be because I feel so down, lonely and useless sometimes.  Or is it because of too much stress at work? Or maybe I'm jealous with other people's lives especially seeing how accomplished they seem and how they have something/someone to work or live for?  Or is it because I have been longing to have that "fairy-tale-happy-ending" that I have been missing for 9 years now?  I know, "fairy-tale-happy-endings" are not true, but what I meant is having someone you love and loves you back.  Or is it because I just feel so confined, even strangled that I can hardly breathe?  Maybe I have been feeling like this in a long time and I just want to get out of it?  But how?  How do you get out of that situation? Or maybe because I miss my family so much it hurts and that I want to be with them so bad? I think it may be all of the above...


     Are you surprised that I'm a bundle of knots?  I do hide it well with smile and laughter, and I convince myself that I'm contented with what I have and where I am right now.  I guess I am, to a point.   I feel I'm very lucky to have a good job and I'm earning decently.  And for that I'm already more than thankful.  But... yeah, there's a but.  *sigh*

I hate this....

   I don't like feeling like this... I don't like waiting for something that might not even come.. One of the reasons why I like being in my current status is the fact that I get to be on my own, not needing something/someone.  I hate it!

my Gong Yoo 2012-2013 calendar

   I'm so happy, I got my Gong Yoo calendar today care of Rachel.  She went to Korea over the weekend and was able to buy calendars for Melai and I Yay!!! Btw, thanks to Kalamay Addict for letting me know about Rachel's trip and telling her to buy me one too ;)  This made my day when I got it yesterday.  You can see this calendar on my desk and I can see Gong Yoo everyday for 2 years!! LOL!!! 

This is before a pinky swear, not picking his nose! LOL!!

I love his smile here :):)

I wish...

   I wish I have the power to freeze time... I wish I can stay longer with my family... Ugh!! I can't believe how fast that 3 weeks went! Today is my last day here in Virginia with my family and I really don't want to leave yet, but I have to.  I'm going to miss them again terribly... *sigh*

   My flight tomorrow is at 6:10am, and I have to leave at least 4am. I don't think I'd be sleeping tonight cause I still have to finish packing, though I already did most of it last night.  I'm not really looking forward to more than 24 hours of travel time and going back to work after a few hours I've arrived in Singapore... *sigh* 

Impromptu Dance Number

   Dec 25, 2011, there was a Filipino Christmas party here in Norfolk, VA and my sister was included in the program.  She didn't know about it until we got to the place and was told she will be dancing as part of the evening's activity.  Good thing she already have a song and dance in mind.  Who would think that this performance was just on top of her head and wasn't practiced at all??  

   

   Yeah, I am a proud ate and I'm biased ;)  She's the talented one in the family and here's a proof :)  Love you Pyong!! *mwah*

2011 is OUT and 2012 is IN

   Happy New Year everyone!!! I hope 2012 (year of the Dragon according to the Chinese calendar) will be a better year for all of us.  *Cheers*

   Don't get me wrong, 2011 is one of my favorite years in my life and this year had been a very good year to me.  There had been a lot of good changes and location movement for me.  I moved from working in Philippines to Singapore, which to be honest, made it easier for me to save money and help my family out in times of financial crisis.  With that, I'd always be grateful.  I was also able to save up enough  money to visit my parents and be with them after almost 5 years of being away from them. Plus, I get to see the eastern side of USA, which is a big bonus ;)

   

   Now let's see what's in store for me in 2012 based on the Chinese Horoscopes.  I was born on the year of the HORSE and according to Horoscopes2012, this is what I can expect from 2012:

photo by: Jan Oliehoek

According to the Chinese horoscope 2012, people born in horse year tends to be more optimistic towards life and lead a healthy life this year. There might be little changes in your family member numbers, whether someone move in or move out. The horse zodiac sign people are obviously very hard worker and determined to accomplish their goals. They tend to be more extemporaneous and witty to solve the intricacies of the life in order to lead a happy life. As horse people fear of finishing that they start as they thought they will miss something so it is better to end up what you have started to get the results. As per the Chinese horoscope 2012 prediction, this year you will head towards a romantic love life with your loved ones because you are enough open-minded to express and listen the feelings.

As far as career is concerned, you will try to do anything according to your capability and ability. The Chinese horoscope 2012 reveals that you don’t think too much about money to focus on your work and efforts to accomplish the objective. This quality will lead you profitable efforts. The health horse Chinese horoscope 2012 forecasts that you will be healthy throughout the year, except few digestive ailments and abdominal aches. You can make your career as language teachers, pilots, journalists and translators.

   I have highlighted a few items that I find a little accurate and pretty interesting... first one about changes in family member numbers.  That's pretty accurate because my brother will soon be moving to Virginia USA to live permanently with my parents.

   

   As for the second one, this is quite interesting, it says I will head towards a romantic love life with my loved one.  But I don't have a loved one yet, so maybe I should have one first before having a romantic love life with him, right?  We'll see.  For the past few years my Chinese horoscope has been saying that I will have a love life, but it hasn't happened yet.

   

   For the career, well I know when I go back to work from my 3-week vacation it's going to be tough and there will be tons of work.  I'm just going to take it one day at a time and not stress myself too much.  I do hope that things will work out fine... profitable efforts will be a plus but I'm not expecting too much.  The funny thing is the last part of the horoscope... I can make a career as a language teacher, pilot, journalist or translator... Hmmmm, is this a sign that I have to finish my studies on Korean language?  Well, why not?  I'd probably enroll again as long as I find a class that will suit my schedule at work and maybe I can have a 2nd job as a teacher ;)

Here's another horoscope from Moonslipper, the same link I used for 2011 in my previous post:

Forecast for 2012 The remaining months of 2011 will see the sociable Horse in great demand! However, tact and discretion should be used in all gatherings – otherwise feelings could be hurt. The Dragon Year will be an auspicious one for the Horse, providing he proceeds carefully and steadily. Surprises will await the Horse on the career front and if he acts quickly, the world can be his oyster. May, October and December will provide the most exciting opportunities at work. The Chinese Zodiac shows that the quick pace of the year may try the Horse’s resolve and patience, but a clear head and steady progress will reap rewards. Like other signs, the Horse must remain careful when dealing with money, legal documents and important paperwork. This is not the time for speculation or carelessness. Love will be highlighted during 2012 for most Horses. If attached, the relationship will grow and strengthen. If single, exciting chance encounters can happen at any time during 2012! Late spring and August and October will be the most active social times. A chance to travel during the year will definitely pop up and the Horse will find travel invigorating and relaxing during this volatile and exciting year. By using common sense, being adaptable and hard-working, the Horse will find 2012 a most inspiring and successful year.

   Looks like the both sites are pointing towards a better career opportunity for me if I work hard enough and if I am patient enough.  And both sites are pointing to a chance for a love life... Hahaha!! Let's wait and see ;)  Maybe I'd meet Gong Yoo in real life and become my love interest? LOL!!!

   Again, these horoscopes are not meant to lead our lives.  Everything that happens to us is still according to God's will and to every decision and choices we make.  Let's all make 2012 a fruitful one!! 

PS:  Hopefully I'll be better at posting blog entries this year too :) 

Super Excited!!!!

As of this writing, it's only 2 days and 12 hours to go before I fly out to Virginia to see my family and spend 3 weeks with them during this Christmas season!  I'm super excited and I can hardly wait!  I think I'm going to be emotional when I see them at the airport when they pick me up and I'd be doubly emotional when I leave.  But I'm not thinking of the leaving part yet, I'd have to go meet them first and make the best of my three weeks :)

It's my first time in the east coast and I'm looking forward to our roadtrips... destinations are North Carolina, Washington DC, New Jersey and New York, just to name a few.

I'd try to post pictures as many and as soon as I can.... 

Our last family picture before my Mom went to Virginia - taken  August 12, 2007

Mama and Papa - taken August 12, 2007

LSS mode... LOBO songs

Argh!! My friend from college posted a LOBO video in FB and I looked it up in youtube... then I started remembering his songs, which are pretty old btw (hey! my mom used to listen to these songs so I grew up hearing them, ok?! LOL).  Well I admit, I'm a sucker for old (love) songs so here I am blogging about it...  Anyways, here are the LOBO songs that I love and you may be familiar with these too.  

Hmmmm.... why don't they make these kind of songs now?? I guess I'm just getting old... *sigh*

Lyrics | Lobo lyrics - I'd Love You To Want Me lyrics








Lyrics | Lobo lyrics - Where Were You When I Was Falling In Love lyrics

My K-Movies Must See

There are a couple of movies that I must see if ever they show it here in Singapore.


First is my hubby's (Gong Yoo, and yes it's self proclaimed..LOL) non-romantic movie for the year called 도가니 (Romanized as Dogani or DoKaNi) with the English Title of The Crucible or Silenced.  This movie is based off the novel 'Dokani'  which tells the story of an art teacher who began teaching at a deaf school when he later discovers an ugly truth: the children are being physically and sexually abused by their teachers.  He then decides to team up with a human rights activist to fight for the children's rights and expose the crimes being committed at the school. But they soon realize the school's principal and teachers, and even the police, prosecutors and churches in the community are actually trying to cover up the truth.   

Second is the movie of my ex-boyfriend, (but I still like him, if only he changes his style and make himself look more manly and less gay-like), Jang Keun Suk, entitled 너는 펫 (Romanized as Neo Neun Pet) with English title of You're My Pet.  This is a romantic comedy which was based on Yayaoi Ogawa's Japanese manga "Kimi wa Pet".  

I really do hope they show these 2 movies here in Singapore, of course with English subtitles.  I'm sure Rhonee, Lewy, Jing and Kalamay Addict will watch these with me ;)

my lil sissy's Boom Boom Pow cover

I'm just a big sister proud of my lil sis' dancing talent... she did BEP's Boom Boom Pow cover and I think she did a real good job.  Especially after the fact that she hasn't had any dance training and that she just copy her dance steps from youtube :)  

Once she recovers from her medical procedure and when she finds a good priced (meaning something I can afford) dance class, I'm thinking of sponsoring her lessons.  That way she can get professional advice on dancing.

Here's her vid... I wish I'm as a good dancer as her ;)

All Wrapped up

I saw this post from FB showing 25 ways on how to wear a scarf... I'm amazed at how simple these are and yet it makes a big difference on your outfit! I think it would also make you look  elegant and sexy :)  Though scarfs are not common used here in Singapore (oh, did I mention that I already moved? probably not, that story would be on a different post), it's still good to know that your simple scarf can be turned into 25 different ways.


I hope this would be helpful to you as it would be to me ;)

Marry Me

Wow!! I'm back!!! I know, I haven't blogged for around 8 months and I honestly miss it.... BADLY!  I hate to say this but this blog would be a very short (and pretty useless) one... 
Anyways, I was listening/watching Move Like Jagger by Maroon 5 yesterday in youtube when I came across this song by Train entitled Marry Me... and I instantly LOVED it!!!  I already like the songs of Train but this one...  gave me the goosebumps! 

To my future fiance... you have to sing me this song when you ask me to marry you!! ;)

Forever can never be long enough for me 
Feel like I've had long enough with you
Forget the world now we won't let them see
But there's one thing left to do

Now that the weight has lifted
Love has surely shifted my way
Marry Me
Today and every day
Marry Me
If I ever get the nerve to say
Hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Mm-hmm

Together can never be close enough for me
Feel like I am close enough to you
You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love
And you're beautiful
Now that the wait is over
And love and has finally shown her my way
Marry me
Today and every day
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Mm-hmm

Promise me
You'll always be
Happy by my side
I promise to
Sing to you
When all the music dies

And marry me
Today and everyday
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Marry me
Mm-hmm

I promise to write more on the latest stuff happening in my life later... when that is? I don't know yet, but it will be soon (i hope)!

yes I have

I think this is one of the sad songs I've heard... and somehow I can relate... there are questions in the songs that I can answer with "yes, I have"

my band's album cover

I've always wondered how my CD album cover would look like if ever I'm a band member or a singer... and I got an answer while reading through Chico Garcia's blog. Apparently Chico got this idea from a certain Engr. MOKS where you can follow simple instructions to come up to your own album cover design.  Here's how it works:

1. Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page and click on “Random Article”. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2. Go to http://quotationspage.com/ and click on “Random Quotes”. The last few words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3. Go to http://www.flickr.com/explore/ and click on “Interesting photos from the last seven days”. The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover. And in case you decide to post the final product, even if we’re just doing this for fun, don’t forget to acknowledge whoever owns the original image!

4. Use Photoshop (for me I used picnik) to put it all together.

5. And voila, you’ve got you band’s CD album cover!

Here's how mine turned out:

Album title: "A worse pain doesn't make present pain hurt any less"

It turned out pretty cool huh?! It actually looks like a real album cover... Hehehe!! :)  Pwede!!  I also got a pretty cool sounding album name! :)  According to Wikipedia, Gask Ridge is the modern name given to an early series of fortifications, built by the Romans in Scotland.  The Gask Ridge consisted of a series of forts and fortlets with signaling towers.


Go try it, it's fun :)

(The quote is from Real Live Preacher and the original image is owned by Rhonda Murr on Flickr.  See original image here.)

I sooo miss my hubby Gong Yoo

As I was checking out youtube for an old drama series of Gong Yoo entitled One Fine Day, I saw this video with my hubby singing the soundtrack of his latest movie Finding Mr. Destiny and just watching him made me happy!!!!  I realized how much I miss my Gong Yoo!! LOL!! Ok, I know, I'm a little pathetic... but what can I do? I have a big crush on the guy?! LOL!! If only he's in my world... 

Kalamay Addict, I know you'll love this too ;)

i love him already... Saranghae Jang Geun Suk

I started watching the Korean drama series entitled You're Beautiful and I think I've fallen in love with Geun Suk!!! He's a real hottie!! He doesn't look like he's only 23 years old (turning 24 on Aug 4 -- yes, I know his birthday already!! hahahaha!!).  He looks more like late 20s to early 30s, and that makes him a lot yummier! He's so sexy... and dang, I love the eyes!!  Especially when he smiles!! Oh, he sings great too!!! He's ruggedly handsome and very, very sexy! Where can I find someone like him??? Tell me please?!! 

JGS's really cute pout in You're Beautiful... I can kiss him right there!! =P

I like this look better, more mature and manly! Ugh! He's too gorgeous!! ;)

Anyways, I was browsing through youtube, waiting for someone to upload more of this drama series when i came across this vid where Suk sang this song which made me cry while I was watching the scene.  This is the last episode, I had to skip several episodes because I cannot find them anywhere in the internet.  I have to look for the DVD and buy it.  

Here's the song he sang:

Here's the link of the last scene via mysoju :  Episode 16 part 5 , the translation of the song is there... and of course, the happy ending :)


Translation (bear with it though, it seems to be a direct translation so it sometimes doesn't make sense):


For every step I send you away my tears flow
For every step that you go away my tears flow again
You're going to a place where I can't reach, 
Even if I spread my hands
But unable to stop you and I stand here crying.


Chorus:
What do I do? What do I do?
You are going away
What do I do? What do I do?
You're leaving me here
I love you, I love you
Even if I call it out you can't hear it
Because I'm only yelling it inside my heart


All day I try to erase you, but I remember you
All day I say goodbye, but I only remember you
You're going to a place where I can't reach, 

Even if I spread my hands
But unable to find you and I stand here crying. (chorus)

What do I do? What do I do?

You're the only one for me

What can I do? What can I do?

You're going away

What do I do? What do I do?
You're leaving me here
I love you, I love you

Even if I call it out you can't hear it

Because I'm only yelling it inside my heart

Koreanovela addiction

I just finished watching the Korean romantic comedy series Playful Kiss a couple of days ago starred by  Kim Hyun Joong, also known as Ji Hoo in Boys Over Flowers.  The story is so so, but it's kinda cute, except during the times when the lead female actress becomes too stalker-ish and too dependent on the guy! I was still entertained watching it, so it's ok, though I still like BOF better than Playful Kiss.

I was wondering what Korean romantic comedy series to watch next and I have no idea.  Then I remembered a friend and previous co-worker, Sandra, from Taiwan being addicted to a Korean actor.  I asked her what series her "husband" (hey, that's how she calls him! =P) starred in and she said Mary Stayed Out All Night.  I checked out youtube if there are vids uploaded with English subtitles and voila, there are!! I already buffered up a couple of episodes and will watch it later =). Let's see if this will be a good one.  Sandra also mentioned a couple more interesting series My Girlfriend is a Nine-Tailed Fox and Secret Garden.  I have to check it out if there are sites with english subtitled vids.  At least I now have a line up of series to watch out for.  The only problem is it gets tiring to read the subtitles and sometimes it's hard to truly enjoy the scenes since you have to read what they are saying.  Oh well, I guess it'll have to do for now or I'd have to study their language, which I don't have the time and money for.

Sandra, bless her soul, also mentioned that my "husband" (hey, that's how I call him!!) Gong Yoo has a new movie entitled Finding Mr. Destiny that was released December 9 last year!! Now this I definitely want to see!! I wonder if some good-hearted soul uploaded this movie in the internet somewhere.... I sooo want to watch it... this is Gong Yoo's first project after being released from the army!!